Sex online: should virtual sex be considered cheating?
Communication in the Internet space has long been the norm for modern man. We write messages to colleagues at work, friends, family and friends…And for someone and correspondence of a sexual nature in social networks is becoming commonplace. But is it normal? And what if a sex partner on the Internet is found by someone who is already in a relationship? Is so-called virtual dating considered adultery? A journalist from “Guranka” decided to look into this issue, sought out people in Chita who have experienced virtual sex in real life and found out the opinion of a sexologist on the subject.
“It has a place in families where sex is a problem.”
What is cheating? The answer seems obvious – it is betrayal. The very fact of betrayal, in turn, everyone already gives its own meaning. Some people are already mad at the partner’s fleeting flirtation, while others take it calmly, recognizing the only direct physical contact as treason. There are people who consider the fact of falling in love to be treason. In other words, the concept of treason is quite controversial. The same can be said of the concept of virtual or sexual correspondence on the Internet. The heroes of our material chose to remain anonymous and this is what a few of them think about it:
“This is the age of the Internet. Our whole life is on it. So I think that we can equate it to treason. A man fantasizes and imagines in his head not his partner but someone else. I think this has a place in families where sex is a problem,”
girl, 28 years old
“It depends who the virtual sex is with. If with spouses, no (laughs). But if a spouse and a stranger, then yes, even correspondence with hints is already treason”
girl, 20 years old
“Yes, I think flirting, which comes to virtual sex, is treason and betrayal of the person I love. Because a person is theoretically ready to sleep with another person, if there were no monitor, phone between them – everything would have happened long ago. For me, it was a reason for the breakup of the family,”
man, 32 years old
“Virtual sex is not cheating, I think, but a reason to think about the fact that the partner lacks something in the sexual family life. And if you do not react in time to this and do not try to compensate the husband (wife) needs and desires (again, of course, within the limits of your tolerance), then virtual sex can go to a real one, but unfortunately on the side. In general, I do not see anything wrong with it, if it is considered adultery, then porn videos can also be included,”
girl, 30 years old
“It’s more like a breath of fresh air.”
Our expert, physician-sexologist, psychotherapist Olga Volozhanina, first offers to break down the reasons that encourage people to seek sexual sensations in the Internet space.
- In fact, there are many of them. One of the most common is dissatisfaction with one’s real sexual relationships or a heightened libido (strong sexual constitution coupled with difficulties in realizing it in real sexual relationships). Often the tension of a relationship (psychological or sexual) with a real partner can lead to this kind of behavior, when a person tries to ward off, to escape from reality.
“I used to consider cheating, meanness, betrayal. But the adolescent maximalism has passed, family experience is there, and already in adulthood harsh life you understand that this is probably not treason, but an impulse of the soul of a person who is not all right in the family. I’m not talking about those who have it systematically. I had that experience once. I had a big fight with my husband, I kicked him out of the house. He registered on a dating site, corresponded with a girl, called her. But when we made up and I found those correspondence, I felt unbearably hurt and disgusted. But when I read them I understood that my husband just lacked communication with me, he lacked ordinary conversations without reproaches, without blowing his brains out. He missed the me he was getting to know seven years ago. But there was no “sex” in the correspondence. There was no respect on his part for the person he was talking to. So I forgave, we talked, we mended our ways and now we talk on all topics without blowing our brains out. But unequivocally say that this is 100% not cheating I can not say either. It’s hurtful. It’s mean. It’s low. But it’s two people’s fault. A man did not just agree to this”
girl, 27 years old
The next reason, according to the expert, is curiosity, the search for new knowledge. The websites offer many toys, stimulants, accessories with home delivery, and you can learn about the poses, methods, types of satisfaction, read the Kama Sutra, Tantric sex, other manuals on sexual technique. And with virtual dating, all of the above can be easily accomplished.
“No, virtual dating is not cheating. It is, rather, just a variety, a breath of fresh air for one of the partners. Often in modern life, virtual sex is the only opportunity to realize their most secret desires and fantasies. In normal life, a person may never dare to do this for fear of publicity, misunderstanding, or any other factors, and virtual reality allows you to do it”
girl, 25 years old
One should also remember that people with different sexual perversions often resort to virtual sex, such as exhibitionists who get sexual satisfaction by showing their own genitals to other, unknown people, also voyeurs, people who get sexual satisfaction by peeping at strangers, and many others. The vast expanse of the Internet is full of mentally and sexually unhealthy people who find it difficult (and criminally punishable) to put their own pernicious addictions into reality, so they go online.
“It’s a kind of cheating, though not on a physical level.”
According to the doctor-sexologist, communication with a virtual sexual partner in some cases can bring novelty, some spice and spice to the relationship with a real partner. But here you need to know how not to play around. Often people who actively practice virtual sex get very involved in the process and refuse to have sex with a real partner, motivated by various other reasons.
“If you’re in a relationship and you’re fine with it, of course you don’t need it. If there are problems with sex with your partner, it’s an opportunity to distract yourself and satisfy yourself on a subconscious level. If you’re single, it’s a great alternative to dating and some kind of preparation for the meeting, you can understand whether or not you’re a good fit for each other in sex. Whether or not it’s cheating depends on the perception of the world around you. Everyone’s individual.”
man, 27 years old
“Virtual sex is a kind of cheating, though not on a physical level. Virtual is a search for something that is absent in a real partner. Personally for me it is unacceptable.”
girl, 24 years old
As Olga Volozhanina says, in her practice there were cases when long practice of virtual sex led to development of sexual addiction and autoeroticism on the background of frequent masturbation, which eventually led to referral to a specialist. Treatment for these patients is long and complex, so it is important that the person seek help in the early stages of the development of the disorder.
Should the fact of virtual sex be considered adultery or not? According to the expert, this is a rather complicated issue, because it all depends on the personal relationship of the person to this fact.
Let me explain why:
Many of my patients, for example, consider the very fact of actual sexual intercourse with another woman as adultery, for others it is when their husband or partner falls in love with another woman, also there is a special group of women who believe that any of her husband’s behavior toward other women (friendly hugs, kisses, correspondence, etc.) is adultery. It should be remembered that internet sex is generally non-contact sex, which is accompanied by masturbatory activity, what matters most is what the person fantasizes about, what he wants to get in reality, what he lacks. This is what you need to talk to your partner about, trying to understand the reasons why he turned to this kind of sexual behavior, and not being afraid to ask for specialized help to solve this kind of problems.